10 Things I Suck at!

I would like to say sorry to Stasha from NorthwestMommy. Somehow I missed that this list is from her meme called Monday Listcicles! Thank you Stasha for the ideas! If you enjoyed this, go on over to her blog and link up too!

I have been meaning to blog. I really want to blog. I miss blogging.
But the truth is, I am all-consumed with this damn competition in 12 days.
I won’t lie: it’s getting tough. I’m constantly battling hunger pains. I’m tired. I’m sore. And I’m fiercely determined to see this through, so although I had a showdown with a Rice Crispy square today, that little fucker didn’t stand a chance against my resolve.

I’d love to regale you with tales of my vagina or my constipation issues, but try as I might, my vagina just isn’t being very comedic lately. I suspect it’s hungry as well.

However, I do miss you all, and I don’t want to disappear from this community, so I found a cute blog idea over at Bridget’s from Twinisms, who got the idea from Jessica at My Time as Mom.

So without further ado…or before I pass out on my keyboard, here are:

10 Things I Suck At:

1. Right now…clearly it’s blogging. There just aren’t enough bodily function anecdotes in the world to snap me out of this funk.

2. Not yelling at…well, everyone. It’s not like I’m asking for the world here, just don’t talk to me. For fuck’s sake.

3. Not thinking about everything I shouldn’t be. For instance, I think about broccoli and cheese soup. I don’t even like broccoli.

4. Trying to remain light and buyant, and exuberant ’cause I know how much you all love it when I wax philosophical about the abundance of joy and poop stories in my life.

5. Treating my children as though I give a good goddamn about the fact that their binder is broken and they need another one, like yesterday. Just put the papers and shit in a pile at the bottom of your back pack like the rest of the hoodlums in your grade. I’m pretty sure the colourful binder that I would replace the old colourful binder with would simply suffer the same fate of being neglected, stepped on, tossed aside, and end up with the words: “Jackson is an A-Hole” written across the front in permanent marker.

6. Getting my kids to put their dishes in the dishwasher when they’re done with them. Because really? Really kids? You can make it all the way to the counter top with the dish in hand, but once you get there, your hand, what? Falls off? You become an amputee? You can’t open the dishwasher and deposit said dish inside?

7. Not going for more than 10 minutes without having to tell my kids to do something that is completely obvious to me: like come and eat. If you see the food is on the table, why do you wait until I summons you? Have I become the Queen of fucking England in the last 12 weeks?

8. Getting my kids to take showers that last less than 25 minutes. I realize that boys will probably pull their puds early in the morning under the hot stream of water washing over their vibrant, horny bodies, but do it quicker, ok? I don’t appreciate having $400/month water bills.

9. Not stressing out over every little thing that needs to be accomplished. I have my skills demo next Tuesday, and if I don’t get through it this time, I’m out of the faculty. I’m trying not to stress, but quite honestly, I don’t think I’d suit panhandling as an alternate career option if nursing doesn’t work out. I’m really not outdoorsy enough.

10. Being considerate. I’m sorry, but right now, if I’m eating rice and chicken, do not ask if you can have a bite. The answer is no. I promise you can have all the chicken and rice you want after March 17th. As a matter of fact, you can bathe in the goddamn shit for all I care. I’ll be busy dipping myself in milk chocolate.