So yesterday I went to parent/teacher interviews for my 14 year old son, who for the purposes of anonymity, shall be named Jax (short for Jackson…but for the purposes of this post, it’s Jax…got that? Ok, le’ts move on.)
I should begin by stating that this child, the anonymous one named Jax (short for Jackson, but for the purposes of this post shall go by Jax) has never gotten through one single parent/teacher interview with the teachers showering us with warm, fuzzy compliments. We are told that he is charming and kind. But after they clarify this up, they add, “he doesn’t sit still,” “he likes to be the center of attention,” “he gets up and wanders from desk to desk visiting the others,” so although at a party he’d be an expert mingler and the life of it, in class, by week 6 of school, his teachers want to hit him over the head with their shoe. They don’t because that’s not allowed. But if it was allowed, the kid would so be coming home every day smelling like foot odour.
Ok, so I enter the classroom where two teachers are awaiting my arrival. Neither one does that cordial “Hi! I’m Mrs. Stick Up My Ass!” Instead I’m greeted with crossed arms and angry stares.
Ok.
I’ve just been in the hospital working for two days. I am a nursing student. I’m tired. And I’m not known for keeping my trap shut at the best of time. If you greet me with hostility, you’ve just poked the bear.
So the two lady teachers take a seat across from me and my son, and without further ado begin:
“He’s disruptive.”
“He doesn’t come in for extra help even though he needs it.”
“He keeps walking around the classroom chatting with the other students.”
“He can’t sit still.”
“He can’t concentrate.”
…I’m pretty sure we’re all thinking the same diagnosis here, right.
But this is the comment that set my ticking time bomb off:
“We have never seen anything like this!”
…ok….
Really? Really?
Because I did a nursing rotation in a school in my second year, and in this school there were children who were telling the teachers to “go to hell,” “fuck off,” and one particularly creepy 10 year old girl had asked me if I had vaginal freshness issues. (I don’t.)
Let’s discuss their professionalism as teachers, shall we?
As a nurse, if I walked into a room and I told a patient, “I’ve never seen pain like yours before!” I would follow this up with, “Let me see what I can do to help.”
I wouldn’t just walk away.
I will take accountability for my son’s issues. These teachers are not the first to complain about him. However, as I very kindly (ok, maybe not very kindly) pointed out, he’s been disrupting their classrooms for 6 weeks, and I’m only now hearing about it? I have a phone people! It’s the age of technology. Guess what? You don’t even have to talk to me, you can send me an email! Oh, there’s a novel concept, right, geniuses! The scary part, is that they call themselves educators.
However, I’m not scared to verbalize. And I call things like I see them.
So as opposed to remaining seated with my arms crossed over my chest, I got up, and flipped the table between us, broke some chairs, and…
Of course I didn’t, but man, that fantasy was fun…
What I did do was say, “You are educators. You deal with children all the time. Do you feel there is a medical issue here….let’s say…ummm…I dunno…help me out here ladies…could he have…FUCKEN ADD!”…ok, I didn’t say fucken.
The one teacher, who then claims she’s the resource teacher, which honestly I have no idea what that even means? And clearly she’s not very resourceful if she didn’t know how to get hold of me in six weeks, but whatever, not here to judge…ok, no…I’m totally judging.
She says, “That’s what we think, but if we do the testing, and the results are positive, what are you prepared to do?”
“…ummm…medicate him! Duuuuuh!”….ok, I didn’t say duuuh…
So long story short, my kid made it all the way through elementary school, and went from being labeled social and somewhat annoying, to having Attention Deficit Disorder.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok with having him diagnosed properly and taking the necessary steps to help him deal with whatever the issue is.
Here’s the best part though: after sitting with the “resource” teacher, and giving her a few more examples of the issues we’ve been having at home with boy, I asked her how long till the ADD testing would begin.
Her reply: “Oh I don’t know. He’s not a priority. It’s not like he’s having a nervous breakdown or anything.”
So I stood up, flipped the table over, throat punched her, and hit her over the head with my very smelly shoe…
Ok, I didn’t do that either.
So YOU think he has ADD or ADHD or is this yet another example of teachers wanting to medicate the indivuality out of your son?!
Sorry but I honestly feel like way too may kids are being given this lable when in all honesty, they are just being kids.
WTF?! NOT a priority! I don’t know how you refrained from the throat punch!
Let the IEP writings begin. Resource teacher is the new name for special education teacher.
Oh but you should have. Flipped tables, punched people and used the F bomb. This same exact thing happened to me. Funny thing was when I offered to come sit in class with him for a few days to observe and support the teacher I was unwelcome. So guess what I am not medicating my kid to make your life easier.
If other things had been attempted such as my presence at school then we can discuss it but seriously the one and only advice these teachers have nowadays is medicate him. Naw Bitch how bout you medicate yourself so you can deal.
Sorry. That pissed me off. Have a nice day.
Not. A. Priority. Just like calling you and discussing with you their concerns was not a priority. Just like them actually teaching him is not a priority. How fucking stupid. I swear that teachers are getting dumber every year. I’ve worked in education for 20 years, so I can tell you for a fact that it is true. Maybe he doesn’t have ADD or ADHD, but is just, as you said, a very social kid. It scares me that amount of drugs they want to shove down a child’s throat because they show a personality. Unless he is attacking kids and spitting and throwing chairs, leave it alone. Ironically, the kids who are violent rarely get meds, but children who talk or daydream are drugged out of their fucking minds.
*sigh*
I’ll hold the bitches down, you wear your stilettos. We will teach them the meaning of “priority”.
If they’ve “never seen anything like this,” how is it NOT a priority ??? What a bunch of dumbasses! Gah!
Be very careful with where you go from here. Teachers who ignore a problem for 6 weeks before they discuss it with you obviously do not ‘care’ about your son. Over medication is a huge thorn in my side (as a foster parent and someone who worked in the classroom with kids with behavioural disorders). Teachers just want kids to sit and shut it so if you want to medicate him make sure he is learning coping strategies as well. He isn’t too old to learn how to cope with ADD medication free but he is also young enough that meds can greatly benefit him and his learning. YOU need to be in charge though not the schools.
Good luck to you, this isn’t an easy thing.
Been there, done that! And I feel your pain.
Except my kid was “asked” to leave the school. Keep in mind that it was a Catholic school full of “Christians”. ha!
Good Luck!
m.
For not being a ‘priority’ they sure enjoyed bitching about it didn’t they? What a pair of dummies.
If they had never seen this kind of behavior before than he would be more than a priority, he would have been a science experiment!
“This is groundbreaking! The CHILD won’t sit still!!! We could get special funding for our humanitarian efforts in teaching this child!”
You should have roundhouse kicked them in the ovaries…but I’m not one for violence.
This sounds exactly like me as a kid. Except, I was failing every single class. And teachers did the same thing… arms crossed, eyes narrowed. “She’s not living up to her potential” was a favorite. My A.D.D. diagnosis was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. With the exception of finding this blog, of course. You are too funny, girl.
Those teachers just should not be teaching. My response would have been exactly like yours. The Peanut can be quite “social” as well and has a tough time concentrating…but I always hear about it if it gets disruptive…and even had one teacher say she wanted to help reign her in in a way her creativity could still shine. Okay, I’m gonna write a thank you note to that teacher right now.
This whole thing made me cringe. So many things on the teachers’ end that could’ve been done. You bet I would’ve been loud and vocal if that were me.
And “not a priority”? Then they better not be bothering you with how much of a burden he is in their classroom!
Egad! I just wrote a draft post on “how to conference with teachers” and these two sound like the worst possible “type” to deal with. What nastiness. And I’m having a hard time accepting that a child can get to FOURTEEN before being diagnosed ADD – it feels like a teacher issue to an extent. Ugh.
And really – a girl asked you about vaginal freshness? You HAVE to write about that.
“We have never seen anything like this!” Are you serious?! These people are idiots. That is all I have to say.
I would just assume he’s bipolar or a sociopath. Those are the new diagnoses du jour. I also love when parents tell me their kids have depression, and are bipolar. They obviously, don’t really understand what is going on.
You should have hit both of them over the head with a shoe. The big, platform ’70′s shoe like PeeWee Herman wore in his movie. Jeez! I thought we had teacher communication problems in the US. It must be pandemic!
Before the ADD/HAADD days, a teacher told me that my daughter, “Run her mouth all da time.” I needed one of those shoes then.
I want to come over and drink wine with you. This is horseshit.
My son was diagnosed with ADD at 15. It didn’t come up as a serious issue till high school when he couldn’t concentrate. Of course, I think that the block scheduling that our previous school did with the 2 HOUR class periods had a lot to do with it. How did they expect the kids to stay focused when the teachers only made it thru an hour and started playing video games on their computers. The pediatrician said that he was able to compensate until the right set of circumstances were thrown at him and then it was too much.
You can go to your pediatrician yourself and ask him to start the testing…
Good luck!
I agree–how could they’ve never seen anything like it and he’s not a priority come out in the same conversation? Ridiculous!
My son was flunking third grade and found out he had a learning disability. Made all the difference. So, I hope your sweet boy gets tested soon. Good grief!
So hard to be polite to idiots. I commend you in your restraint.
My brother had the same issues. He was a “trouble maker” and would never amount to anything. You know what the real problem was? The teachers didn’t have his respect so he walked all over them. When he was in 7th grade, he finally got a teacher who wouldn’t put up with his bullshit and he changed his tune.
I ran across one of his old teachers and she reluctantly asked me what he was up to. I told her that he was a mechanical engineer with a Master’s Degree. She about crapped her pants.
Alert the presses ’cause I’m leaving a serious comment. So, having had two special needs children go through the system for very different reasons, I can with much experience say “Get an independent evaluation.” I don’t know how the schools are up across the border, but if this is an example of what you will be dealing with, it doesn’t seem that different than in the states. I’ve seen it all…
So quick to label. So slow to take action. Schools in the US are just the same. Fuckers.
Don’t let them test him. If you can go to a hospital that specializes in add and have him tested there. Obviously they are ill equipped morons. They just want every hyper or child that doesn’t fit in their idea of perfect to be on drugs…go to the experts Sandra and then you decide what’s best for your son. I wish I was there at that meeting. I would have flipped the table with ya! Ok….in my head of course. Good luck!
Blessings, Joanne
Wow they’re winners! Go to Costco or Walgreens and get Celsius the no sugar energy drink….have him drink it and see what happens. My son was diagnosed this year and I tried that drink and wala no more issues! Email me if you wanna chat about it.
Ummm.. yeah. Never seen anything like that?
That’s a load of horseshit.
I once had a SEVEN yr old boy that cried, telling me he should have been born a girl… so he’d probably take higher priority along with the vaginal freshness chick.
Yeah.
You really should have hit her with your shoe…or at least flipped the table.
My younger daughter was always a problem at school and she was at a Catholic school. She spent her days jumping from the tops of bathroom stalls onto sinks until they ripped out of the wall, she carved cuss words on lockers of girls she didn’t like, she constantly debated everything with her teachers including their faith, she spent her class time socializing and…yes, she was a desk flipper. Something she did at least once each school year.
It was an issue and my stomach would flip flop everytime my caller ID showed that the school was calling.
The best thing that ever happend to her was when she would get a teacher who HAD seen it all and knew exactly how to handle her. Not letting her get away with anything but also not acting like everything she did was the end of the world or want to set up a time to schedule an exorcism.
Now, she works full time watching a four year old girl and an autistic two year old boy. She’s doing this until the spring semester starts and then she will be moving out to attend school and live in a dorm. She plans to be a nurse, most likely in pediatric cardioligy.
What I’m saying is, it will get better. Deal with it however is best for now and hope for better teachers next year because his teachers seem incompetent, inexperienced and honestly, uneducated.
This whole conference could have gone a lot different if they had taken the time to care and treat you like a person instead of just dumping all the negativity.
um, yeah….gonna call “bullshit” on this one. I am beginning to think that teachers no longer want, or care to accept that part of their job description – alongside teaching – is sometimes also discipilining. So much easier to write the child off and be done with him, than go the extra mile.
aaaghhhh, could say so much…but we’d probably need a bottle of wine and some tequilla shots. group session anyone?
Wow, that was such a contradiction. Never seen it before yet not a priority? How does having a nervous break down even equate to having ADD? I think the part that irks me the most is that they never bothered to contact you. Why the heck do we fill out all those damn contact forms? If my kid is an issue, I want to know about it right away. Not 6 months down the road.
Educators. Wow. Let me start by saying that we pulled our kids from the system and homeschooled. OK, last school year my son, 23 years old with a 4 year degree in economics, tutored at the local school system for a program called AVID. No clue what the letters stand for. He was told that they were not hiring back the tutors, budget cuts etc. The he received an e-mail from one of the coordinators saying how she is looking forward to having him back. OK. He e-mailed back, and, yes, they pretty much told the other tutor this BS story about no more tutors, but they wanted Matt back. He waited. Heard nothing. Then he e-mailed several of the coordinators (he worked at 4 different schools) and NO ONE ever got back. After several e-mails, he gave up. He’s a tutor at the local community college now and likes it a lot more. Which brings me to EDUCATORS. Yeah. :::eyeroll:::
What’s with all this ADD shit with kids these days? When I was growing up, not long after the invention of the wheel, nobody had ADD. Sure, there were kids who’d talk in class and act up a little. Me. But no one ever stood out as needing medication. Now there’s a whole fucking drug industry built around it.
Perhaps it’s the teachers who need drugs.
Why on earth would a teacher EVER think it was okay to tell you your kid isn’t a priority. They deserved the shoe smack, throat punch and an eye pop too!
Stupid bitches (not you). See why I can’t get a teaching job? I’m too intelligent and compassionate.
Love,
Lola
Have you ever met a Dr. with horrible bedside manner? That is exactly how these ladies seem to me. I definitely think the other comments are right on track about getting an independent evaluation. It doesn’t seem like the student’s best interest is being served by someone paid for by the school to decide if he should be medicated.
This is something that should be between you, Jax, and your family Dr.
Wow, is this a gathering of people who love to bash teachers anonymous? Or not so anonymous? One of my issues with bloggers who get big is the commenters who love them SO much that they will not only agree with anything they say but will go orders of magnitude further just to prove their loyalty – not only are THESE two teachers bad, ALL TEACHERS ARE HORRIBLY AWFULLY BAD. I would be livid in your place also, Sandra, and I’m glad you have so many supporters but geez, people, take a breath.
Thank you! These teachers were clearly well off base in greeting her with hostility and not coming to the meeting prepared with some sort of solution or plan for moving forward, as well as for not speaking to her in the 6 weeks prior.
But.
As a teacher, I ran into a brick wall trying to have children evaluated appropriately and efficiently. I was very careful *not* to label children with ADD or ADHD, especially in the current climate where both are frequently used to brush off a kid with a little natural energy. I don’t know if I read it wrong, but that could be why these teachers were reluctant to bring up that specific phrase; there are MANY children who *are* diagnosed by a formal evaluation or within a medical setting, only to have their parents refuse any sort of medication or treatment. Aside from that, schools everywhere are facing budget cuts and evaluations have always been a difficult process. I would hope that the teacher didn’t mean to imply that your child isn’t important, but maybe prepare you for the fact that evaluations within the school system can take months, if not years, especially since your child is not openly defiant or violent or a danger to himself or his peers. I would agree with the recommendations above to have him evaluated independently.
I’m so sorry for the novel – this post and the comments struck a nerve. I am a teacher who attends numerous little league games and ballet recitals on weekends. I have been invited to more high school and college graduations from former students that I can count, and I take pride in my work. It greatly upsets me when teachers in general are judged based on the actions of a few – ESPECIALLY when some of those actions are precipitated by school politics and policies that may not be immediately apparent to the community. (One school that I worked in, for example, had a policy that we were NOT to reach out to parents prior to Meet the Teacher night.)
As a practical suggestion, some of my favorite interventions for students with excess energy and trouble focussing were fairly simple: maybe some Silly Putty for him to manipulate during quiet desk work? A rubber band against the legs of his desk for him to kick against?
ugg.. dont get me started on this one. I think teachers throw around the ADD thing WAY too fucking often nowadays. It’s their way to explain away a student who is more of a challenge than normal.
Sure, id say get him tested, but i’m calling bullshit on the teachers on this one.
p.s. Don’t worry.. sometimes I have vaginal freshness issues, too….
This post makes me sad in a lot of ways. And reading the comments makes me sad, too. As a teacher, hearing the disdain so many people hold us in hurts. Yes, there are teachers that shouldn’t be doing the job (or shouldn’t be PAID to do the job that they clearly aren’t doing). Not all of us are like that. I’d even venture to say that MOST of us are not like that.
What an awful way to treat you, though. How are you to know his behavior is a problem if no one tells you? Why greet you with so much hostility? Absolutely uncalled for, but nowhere NEAR as bad as telling you that your child isn’t a priority.
The school can’t diagnose your child with ADD, but they can tell you that he exhibits characteristics of ADD. Likewise, the school can’t tell you that your child should be medicated. It’s a medical diagnosis. You can go to your doctor, tell him what the school is reporting and what you see at home. He may give you some rating sheets to fill out and for the teachers to fill out at school. Then, the doctor will look at the information and tell you whether or not your child meets the criteria for ADD. And then you look into options as far as medication or not.
I can tell you that I’ve seen children whose behavior is significantly improved when they are taking medication. And I’m not just talking about “they’re able to sit in their chair and not be disruptive”…really, in the scheme of things, those are minor. I’m talking about the fact that they’re able to focus and concentrate and learn. I can also tell you that some studies have shown that getting about 1/2 hour of exercise a day (with heart rate elevated) can reduce the need for medication or the amount of medication needed. It’s very much an individual decision and one that, at 14, your son is capable of being a part of.
And that exercise thing brings me back to a comment on here. Someone mentioned how much more prevalent ADD/ADHD is now than when we were growing up, but if you look at the amount of time WE spent outside playing vs what many kids today spend, it’s dramatically different. Kids NEED that outside, active time, and I think part of what we see now is a result of its loss (or decrease). Clearly that isn’t the issue with all kids, and it seems like your kids are pretty active, it’s just a general observation.
Anyway, sorry for writing a book-length comment here. Good luck figuring out what’s best for you boy…and making it through the school year without strangling those two teacher.
Ha – I left a similarly lengthed comment on similar topics above. Apparently teachers think alike!
*teachers*
I have an ADHD kid…I wouldn’t let the school test and diagnosis him. I’d take him to a doctor I located and knew would treat him in his best interest; not the school’s best interest. Just sayin’!
As a former teacher, I am appalled that this situation happened. You’re right. They weren’t very professional AT ALL. If he were in my class, this would have been handled very differently.
What’s going on with today’s teachers? Did it really go to shit the day I quit? Because if I need to go back to save the universe, I totally will. Give your baby to me. He won’t need that medicine. He just needs some boundaries, some attention and permission to walk around while doing his work. They hand out that stupid medicine like candy.
GRRRRRRR!
Maybe he’s bored out of his mind.
Seriously though, if he can’t concentrate, meds might help HIM (fuck the teacher, that bitch is on her own.) I raised an ADD sister, and I’ve worked with ADD kids since then. A teacher with a brain can manage all but the WORST cases without disrupting class. It doesn’t take a genius to remind him that he’s ultimately responsible for his own behavior, and to involve him in the process of managing his behavior. Writing him off as a problem child who needs drugs, is a cop out.
Oh my!! I could hardly contain myself long enough to read your entire post without feeling the urge to reply immediately.
I teach 14 year olds. In fact, I teach primarily 14 year olds, and I’m hear to tell you, a majority of the boys act just as you described! It’s the nature of the beast, I’m afraid. It’s very unfortunate, but structure within most classrooms is not very conducive to the needs of boys. I teach in a school that is on a block schedule. This means that we are in the class for 90 minutes. One and a half hours. Sitting in one spot. Listening. Holy crap! I’m surprised every boy in America is not on medication for ADHD!
I’m sorry those teachers were so rude and unprofessional. They are the exceptions in the profession. Honestly. Nearly every teacher I know is in the business b/c he or she truly cares. We all really do want your children to succeed. Sometimes we just lose sight of that b/c we get so busy managing behaviors. I’m guilty too. Probably 95% of my office referrals are for male students. While I understand their desire to be more “active” learners, they do have to learn to control their impulsiveness.
Oh, forgot to add…
Regarding the ADHD, don’t wait on that heifer to get around to him. Take him to a doctor or a psychologist and have him tested. They are experts on this stuff.
I personally have ADD and have probably had it my whole life. I do not take meds b/c I’ve learned to adapt. They may call it ADD, but I just think it’s part of who I am and I don’t want to change that!
I think the two of them need to be medicated!! What the hell is this “What are you prepared to do” bullshit? If YOU think your son may really be ADD or ADHD, get him tested by someone else. Don’t let these two incompetent fools set it up. And if the results are negative, ask Tweedledee and Tweedledum if THEY are now prepared to actually be teachers!!
Because I’m impatient and had to get my say in I didn’t read the comments; so I don’t know if someone else has already said this.
Don’t wait for them. Take him to a doctor. The odds are good that he doesn’t have ADD. I’ve seen many, many teachers try to “diagnose” children; particularly boys, simply because they don’t want to deal. Boys aren’t as calm as girls; it’s as simple as that.
My friend had let the teachers convince her that her son had it….until she had him tested and it came out that he wasn’t.
If he does, in fact, have ADD then you can go from there. But don’t wait on the school system or it will never get resolved.
You should have said, “Oh, thank God! You have to deal with it too. I thought it was just poor parenting at home. But if he is like this at school, too, why I’ll have him committed on your say so. After all, you are the professionals and know what you are talking about. I mean, if you have no control over your classroom and let any kid just get up and walk around, why it must be serious. Thank you, thank you. I’m gonna write the school board a letter and inform them of how attentive and caring you two are and recommend the appropriate reward for you. Now if you will loan me a length of rope, I’ll tie him up and take him home until I from the hospital. – Bitches!”
What an idiot.
Yip. That’s all I got. I could go all crazy on the ups and downs of ADHD meds, the conformity of school and blah, blah, blah…. but then you might come here and throat punch me.
So yeah. She’s an idiot. That’s what I got.
I hate when people treat or assume ADD is some sort of disability. I have it. I know many who do.
A brilliant man I know, Peter Shankman also has it.
“He is a spectacular example of what happens when you merge the power of pure creativity with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).”
Give his blog a read. He’s amazing. I think you’ll really dig his humour.” http://shankman.com/about/
Love the way you handled those teachers. I’d be livid if they suspected any issue with my child and didn’t call me. As teachers, what are they prepared to do about it?
Love all the comments above me. ADD is not to be frowned upon.
I think it’s hard to know which kids have ADD and which don’t in this day and age. I was a dance teacher for three years and at least 50 per cent of the kids I taught had ADD, according to their parents. I think the label is being thrown around a little too loosely these days.
I have little else to add to everyone’s else comments!!!
**Except! My youngest brother was diagnosed with ADD in grade school… they medicated him — which didn’t work… Fast forward to just after graduating high school, and joining the Marines… he was honorably discharged because he had a hole in his eardrum! He went nearly his entire life not being able to properly hear, mumbling, not paying attention in school etc… because HE COULDN’T HEAR!!!
Been there. Cried. Bit my tongue. Cried. Cried some more. You, as I was, are your child’s advocate. He needs your faith in him and your undying support. He will succeed in school, and in life, if you affirm him as able, wonderful and totally going to make it. Give him the tools he needs to work things out properly and he will do the rest. All kids want to do well. He will, when you tell him you can do it together.
My daughter went from failing kindergarten to graduating university with TWO degrees. Your story will have a happy ending too.
Rosemary
ps. you were right not to kill the mean educators. We need them to say our kids have done well when the dust settles.
I haven’t read the rest of the comments (too many!) and I have no idea where you live and where your son goes to school, but as an educator of 36 years I have NEVER witnessed a conference such as the one you described-and you should be upset! First and foremost-the teachers need to explore some behavior analysis/programs to implement before they even talk about testing or medication. It’s the law. You can NOT just refer a kid for an evaluation/to be put on meds without documentation that some type of program to change the behaviors which are interfering with him getting the most out of his education. A resource teacher is one who helps kids in smaller groups/one-to-one using multiple strategies to get the lesson across if he/she is “missing” it in the regular classroom, or helps teach note-taking, coping skills if needed. I hope you get what you want. If this were my son/school I would have a chat with the principal and possibly the head of the special education dept and tell them exactly what you wrote here (all except for the profanity!) Best of luck!
Wow it is kinda scary the people that teach our children! It makes you wonder what this next generation will be like with teacher like that for an example! Traci
What your son needs is a male teacher, probably. I am one, and let me tell you I have a string of grateful mothers, single and partnered, for ‘understanding their son’. Nothing wrong with women teachers, but there are just too many in elementary and not enough men, making it a very feminized environment. Again, nothing wrong with that, except that half of the students (mostly boys, but some girls) do better in a masculinized environment. Only teachers I want teaching my son in elementary are: men, women with brothers, or older teachers with sons. Ones I don’t: women with sisters only, young women who got the job because mommy’s a principal/supervisor, older women without sons.
Everyone knows this. Since men choose their careers for status or money (same thing, really) pay all teachers more if you want more men: the rest is blowing smoke.
Hey Sandra, I gotta get this off my chest too. FIrst, I am sorry that your kid (what was his name again?) has those two teachers who apparently are quite clueless about being teachers. His behavior sounds to me typical of any elementary or middle school boy, however, he could have a legitimate reason for it. That said, I’d like to address all the negative comments people wrote about teachers. I like to call ‘em as I see ‘em too, and as a teacher what I see is a lot of parents who don’t want to be bothered with their child’s education. I see parents who are too busy to come to parent/teacher conferences, who won’t acknowledge the fact that maybe their kid is a major pain in the ass in school because he/she’s not getting any attention at home. I see my work day continually get longer and longer because of screwed up administrators and districts who come up with something new every year for teachers to do, more work, less time to do it in, crappy or non existent equipment, more paperwork because God help me I’ve got to document every little thing that happens in my class, just in case the district gets sued by some pissed off parent.
Parents complain when they hear their kid has been acting up, and want to know why we haven’t called them sooner. Maybe, I didn’t get to your kid because I’ve had to call the other 160 kids with behavior or academic problems, and I didn’t get to the bottom of the alphabet yet. Or maybe, I haven’t called yet because I’ve had so many meetings to go to, both before and after school, then I had to go back and clean my classroom because NOBODY has been doing it for the past 6 weeks. I don’t know about you, but when I signed up to be a teacher, nobody told me I was supposed to be a martyr, not have a life outside of my job, and be expected to solve all of society’s problems for about half the pay of somebody with comparable education.
Sorry, none of this is directed to you, I’d just like parents to realize that just because some teachers are inept, it doesn’t mean they all are. I don’t think all parents truly know what it’s like being a teacher in today’s schools. Those who are so quick to judge should try it themselves first.
I just realized this is your blog, not mine. Sorry for the outburst, can you tell I had a crappy day? I’ll understand if you stop reading and commenting on my blog, though I hope you won’t.
Yikes! I’m sorry you were treated that way. Making someone feel attacked is never the way to approach a situation. I am a teacher, and I can say, it works both ways. When a parent comes in swearing and ranting, you can bet my desire to help him or her has just reached zero. Instantly, I feel bad for the child and try to figure out ways to help him or her both academically and emotionally, because clearly mom/dad is not a good role model in that department. You should never have to feel put on the defensive by a teacher, and I’m sorry that happened to you. I must say, I’m a little disturbed but not surprised by the number of negative comments toward teachers. In fact, the parents that are so negative toward educators are the ones whose children have the greatest problems in school. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. As a teacher, I promise that I try everything in my power to help children when I see a problem developing. It’s important to remember that if teachers of 175 kids, like me, had the time to contact every single parent by email and phone, we wouldn’t be getting any teaching or grading or lesson planning or class taking done. It’s a myth that we work nine months a year and from 8 to 3. We work tremendously hard in what’s increasingly becoming a thankless job (as evidenced by many of the comments above). It makes me sad that the economic cut backs and limited time have clearly taken a toll on these two teachers so that they would treat you so disrespectfully, and it makes me even more sad that teacher bashing continues.
Sandra, I think you actually did flip that table over and hit them in their rock-hard heads with your smelly stiletto. That’s my guess anyway. You’re a great mother, I am sure, and I know many people have called you a mother as well (only in endearing terms, surely…) Anyway, whatever your son has, if anything, I hope it gets proper diagnosis/treatment but not too much, we love the blog postings coming out of this, thanks!
That has always been Honeyman’s thing. “Why are they just telling us now?”I know teachers are busy, but if there is that big of a problem there are phones and emails.
Though if they thought it was medical, you’d think they’d have the nurse say something.
I’m sorry you’ve had this kind of interaction with your son’s teachers. I have to warn you though, teachers are overloaded, especially in these times we’re in, and are quick to label students with ADD that they aren’t able to connect with. They, and I say this as an educator myself, are not the go-to people for this and just as one who personally doesn’t advocate for medication, consider the classroom management and whether the curriculum is challenging him (too difficult or easy).
You have every right to be incensed because the approach you were met with was very unprofessional. I’ve seen it too frequently where teachers write a child off because they are overwhelmed and lack the ability to differentiate instruction so that students are ready to engage in what they are presented with. I’m not taking responsibility away from Jax, as I see that you’re not a parent who would either, but having seen and know about this kind of situation all too frequently, stand your ground on the issue. Besides, he’s at the age where chatting and walking around is fairly common. Teachers just have to be learn to be creative in how they work with individual students.
Teachers worldwide (it seems) are cast from the same block of crap. They have a job to do but don’t do it, they have guide lines to follow, which they don’t follow. They treat we parents like the kids in their classes and when we complain they patronize us…Grrr!
Chances are your boy will be great at something, something he will no doubt make a good living doing. IF and I say IF they help him find his vocation which clearly is not sitting still and being told what to do by air headed, busy body ‘educators’
(I’ll get off my soap box now)
This is probably one of the many reasons why some parents choose to homeschool. I for one. I think I do a better job than some/most/maybe even all? excluding the super expensive fancy shmancy educators for gifted, yet socially disturbed and isolated children..uhhhh where was I going with this? Oh yeah, and I take comfort in knowing that if my children act up during lessons then corporal punishment is NOT frowned upon =)<~~~see not frowning. Anyways I think your child was accidentally given the "special" teachers…
A couple different things about this bother me! First like everyone else I’m shocked at these “teacher’s” behaviour. 2nd I’m upset about the attitude toward hormone relatated disorders.
If your son had diabetes for example and was in class passing out because of low blood sugar or whatever, would they approach it the same way? Arms crossed & angry? No! They’d call you & discuss with an attitude of concern.
I don’t know much about ADHD but I do know it’s a medical condition like any other. Something is not as it should be. This should not be approached like it is his fault or yours!
I would put in a complaint with the board!! I hope you guys get it sorted out! Good luck!
Wait, so they’ve never seen anything like it, but he’s not a priority??? Yeah, table flipping seems like a good idea. I’m sorry that you and your son have to deal with this. I hope in the long run what comes out of it is something positive and helpful for him. Hang in there and kick some ass.
I’ve encountered some wonderfully amazing teachers, but those ones that are hardened by the job and no longer using any common sense at all are absolutely frustrating as hell.
I’m going to throw this out there – ever had him evaluated for food sensitivities? You’d have to pay for it out of your own pocket and you’d have to look for someone to do it, but there are many documented cases of behavior issues resolving when food sensitivities are identified and removed from the diet. Okay, off my soap box.
I have to agree with all the other as to the unprofessionalism of the teachers you encountered. I am an educator as well and would NEVER behave in the way these two did. I would also NEVER dream of suggesting that you medicate your child.
Unfortunately these two give teaching a bad name. There are many of us who are caring, hard working and go the extra mile for our students.
That said I see you are in Canada and I do not know what the procedure is there but here in the US if you request formal testing within the school district we have 6o calendar days to complete the evaluation.
In all honesty I think I would contract the supervisor of special ed. within your son’s district and talk to him/her and let them know what occurred. The way they conducted themselves is wrong.
Also, if you let them evaluate your son, you can still get a private evaluation done as well- but you will have to pay for that out of pocket. It would be interesting to see how similar the findings would be- you could then make a decision as to how to proceed.
well, did that feel good? Hope Jax comes out on top. He’s gonna be OK, despite those bitchcake teachers.
Gotta love red tape.
I’m sitting here with my mouth hanging open….talk about dropping the ball. Unbelievable!
If you’re concerned, take him to his pediatrician who knows him and have him/her do the testing.
And OMG, vaginal freshness issues? I died.
The teachers today are so burnt out, they just don’t give a fuck. It’s like instead of trying to figure out how each child learns and his strengths and weaknesses, they BLAME the kid…and OF COURSE the parents. We’ve been having issues at school too. My oldest. He’s been tested up, down and all around and there’s nothing wrong with him except that he’s 12 and doesn’t give a shit about solving for x or which African dictator just bit the dust. He would rather look at boobs and play Black Ops. Wait. Reverse those. That’s better.
—Sandra,
I work for the schools and those bitches w/ their arms crossed are not professional or nice.
I know them.
We were just talking about this at school….One of my teacher friends went to conference and the teacher told her: he doesn’t do this. he doesn’t do that. he doesn’t take resposibiity. he doesn’t say please or thank you.
Damnit! my friend said, the kid is 7!
–But here’s the difference w/ a good teacher.
The year before, another teacher told her this when she walked in the classroom:
“Welcome. We are here to celebrate your child.”
I loved that.
Don’t put up with their shit. And don’t put him on pills unless you think it’s the right thing to do.
Okay?
Well, you didn’t do it but you probably SHOULD have. Sometimes, teachers are idiots. Like the two you met with. Idiots. Did I say that already?
Our oldest is ADHD. She gets it from her dad. Nice of him to share, right? Anyway, WE were the ones who caught it and had it diagnosed (luckily my mother is a school psychologist so it didn’t cost us and we didn’t have to fight or wait on the school). Every single teacher missed it. Idiots. Anyway, we did medicate for a time but found nutrition changes were helpful.
Next time, do the table, chair and throat punch thing. For me. Please? LOL
I have every single symptom of ADD possible. And my parents refused to have me diagnosed. I did well in school, but I just had a hard time focusing and got bored easily.
So they made me a compromise. Once I was done with my work, and I did it right (I had to make 100′s on all papers for this deal to continue), I could read or doodle or draw or WHATEVER I WANTED quietly at my desk. It wasn’t as good as walking around playing, but it was better. So I took it. And it really did help me. Because I only had to focus for a little while.
FYI- I’m one of the best multitaskers I’ve ever known. Like worked full time 50 hours a week and went to law school at night kind of multitasking. All thanks to my unmedicated ADD.
Good luck with the snarky teachers. I grew up in a family of educators. That’s not at ALL how these situations should be handled.
Good to know he isn’t near a nervous breakdown, in that case maybe they can just suck it up and deal with it until they can figure out when the testing might take place.
I am right there with you on this one! I actually asked why I was just now hearing about the issue and the teacher’s response was….in a tone that suggested pure and simple exhuastion:
“Well, I already work from 8 am to 4:30 pm every day and I’m in class for 3/4 of that time, I can’t call/email every parent on every issue”. (I would of hated to see what the issue’s she WAS emailing/calling about were)
This was said to a woman that works from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm certain days, because she has emails and calls to make after dealing with the clients in prson, 3/4 of her day. That would be me!
Oh, I SOOO dread the public school system. Dread it. Not a priority, NICE.
Don’t you just love Canada…
Our healthcare system is slower than Steven Hawkins typing on a god damned computer.
It took the schoolboard/whateveritistheydototestthem 2 years to diagnose my nephew. 2 freaking years..and even then it wasn’t the right diagnosis. He has aspergers.
Fackers.
Need me to stab someone with a pencil…I’d gladly do it for you and claim that I was insane…
I think people/schools are way too quick to label kids with ADD. And, maybe your child might be TOO SMART and gets BORED easily which is why he doesn’t sit still.
DUH!
And, I hate how they’ve deemed him a “problem” but not a “priority” – WTF is that?
This seriously pisses me off. If there’s a problem, call me. ADD my ass! I think your son is “social” and perhaps a little hyper. Lots of kids are and I’m not sure that it can’t be addressed in a way that can take away the effing labels and just solve the problem. He’s not bringing switchblade knives to school. Nor is he raping anybody, or even twirling his head around like the Exorcist kid did.
I work at a psychiatric clinic for children. We see mostly autistic children, but it’s a large spectrum.
I live with a teacher. She works in a high school in a very high crime area of the city. She has had numerous children in her classes who are labeled as ADD but in her opinion, are not.
She is one of those teachers who do call home promptly when there is a problem. I’ve sat across the table from her some nights when she tries to reach parents and some of them treat her with such disrespect that it infuriates me, although I’ve never once seen her lose her temper.
There is no excuse for the fact that you were not called and then to tell you that this was not a priority after they initiated the conversation with you in that stream, was wrong.
I know a few teachers who are not worthy of their profession, but I know more who go above and beyond it. For an incredibly low salary. And times have changed. When I was in school (and I am older…in my fifties), I would have been in so much trouble if a teacher had to call home for my behavior. Now, I am amazed at the number of parents who ask my partner if perhaps this is HER fault.
Parenting is a home issue. Teaching is a school issue. Unfortunately, the parenting thing does cross over more often than not. Each and every year, we spend over 400 dollars of our own money so that Bing can buy coats for needy students. And she is often late because she has kids who remain after school to hang out with her because they don’t want to go home.
There is so much more than what meets the eye.
Ugh, this is SO FRUSTRATING! I’m a “resource teacher” (and this means a lot of different things in different buildings, but it means she is the special ed teacher. maybe she co-teaches in that class?) You are right, that was so unprofessional. I hate when teacher’s poor choices makes us all look bad. Everyone knows you should start out with all the positives (every kid has some!) and then start with any concerns you have. Unfortunately teachers are humans too and don’t always have the most common sense/make the best decisions. Good luck, I hope it was just a bad first impression.
Wow. You’re a better person than I am. I would’ve snapped. Seriously. I cannot believe the schools let him make it this long as a “disruptive” student without it! Around here, if a student has a particularly bad/obnoxious day, teachers are jumping down his/her parents’ throats saying, “He’s obviously AD(H)D and needs to be medicated!” And if ADD IS the problem, then I hope he gets treatment that helps!
Wow. Your child has been disruptive for years and YOU did nothing about it. Teachers’ hands are tied as to what they can do. Your hands are not tied. Think about the other children in the classroom who are doing what they are told and not disrupting class. Why should they be denied education? You should have taken your child to the doctor LONG ago. It’s not the teacher’s job to keep telling you what the problem is over and over and over until you “get it”. Sounds like you have some adhd issues too.
[...] I was reading the comments on my post titled “Gotta get this off my chest”. The readers were really fired up over the subject matter, and honestly, the following commentary [...]
I used to be a high school teacher and I always began conferences with the positive things I could say about the student. I mean, this has got to be pretty basic. And if I had any concerns about the student — concerns for their welfare — I stated it as such. I didn’t present the kid as some huge problem for me.
I’m really sorry you got treated like this. These teachers would really benefit from some basic people skills. In fact, if I were you, I would let the principal know just that.
Hi Sandra, Been there. But here’s a twist. I have two kids who were diagnosed with ADHD. My son was diagnosed in second grade. He was great at home, but too busy at school and wasn’t learning to potential. On the other hand, my daughter wasn’t diagnosed until 8th grade. She was diagnosed early with a visual perception disability, but because she was quiet and followed the rules and tried to do the work, it never occurred to anyone that she could be ADHD. This kid was very busy at home, couldn’t sleep at night, and (from what I now know too late) displayed all the symptoms of ADHD. In eighth grade I finally requested that she be tested and guess what? Yeah. But by then, well, let’s just say it has not been an easy road. And my son? Is not ADHD after all. He’s a normal kid with some motivational issues. I medicated him for 4 years unnecessarily. I agree with those who advised a private screening. Just also wants to say this comment has nothing to do with teachers and what they did or didnt do. My kids have all had good and bad teachers, just like there are good and bad bosses, good and bad customers, etc. They are overworked/underpaid and I think most do the best they can within a system that was designed in the 18th century, for the most part. What I’m saying is-it is a human nature issue. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Or the diagnosis. Whichever. If you get a chance, google Sir Ken Robinson and listen to one of his Ted Talks on education. He’s entertaining but his point is painfully obvious. The system doesn’t work for every kid. Good luck to you and Jax (aka Jackson)
This is me giving you a virtual box of wine and a big sloppy American hug.
I have been there. I unsuspectingly walked into a conference once that turned out to be more of an intervention about my KINDERGARTEN aged girl’s “awful” behavior. (It’s SO not okay for girls to be assertive and loud and unique, don’t-cha-know.) I will never forget that feeling of having to sit there and hear those things about my spirited child. Really hard to throat punch and break chairs when you feel like you’ve been throat punched yourself.
I agree with the other commenters who say go ahead and start the IEP process. At least Jax will then be protected legally from discrimination and will be more likely to get the kind of teachers who can best support his learning style.
You know what’s sad?
If they treated you, the parent this way?
How are they treating your child.
Unacceptable.
I am so sorry.